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About Literature / Hobbyist Premium Member Jonathan Edward Dolnier30/Male/United States Recent Activity
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Technodrome: Elevator by GarthTheDestroyer

This is a rather nice and stylish depiction of one of the most unique (and slightly difficult) boss battles in a 2-D Brawler ever. Whil...

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(Contains: violence/gore)
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

THE PENGUIN!

VS.

KING DEDEDE!

Penguin:
Greetings I am the Penguin and I have arrived on this show.
Watch me defeat this flightless witless bird from Nintendo.
When it comes to villainy I can be quite vile.
As I also clearly have way more style.
Oh yes and any fool can see that I have a far longer history.
I am the finest criminal within High Society.
While you’re a rather boorish bird that is fairly overweight.
Perhaps that is the reason why your so second rate.
When it comes to Bat-Man’s foes, I’m one of the best dressed.
But as far as Kirby is concerned your just a big squawking pest.

King Dedede:
You think I’m small time? Ha! Shows what you know ya long-nosed cad!
For when it comes to the Kirby Franchise I’m the original Big Bad!
With my Mighty Hammer I can easily knock you down flat!
Oh and by the way who are you to call anyone else fat?
Though I really don’t see why you would want to boast.
I mean when it comes to Batman’s villains you’re a C-Lister at most.
Besides when it comes to Dreamland I am the King!
You run a Casino and yet I’m the one who’s doing the Winning.
You think your little Umbrella is going to harm me?
Wait til you get a taste of my army!

Penguin:
Oh yes Dedede your army has made me so scared.
How I can deal with these cute cuddly creatures? Oh I hope my life will be spared.
But then again you’re not exactly much of a villain anymore.
When it comes to Villainous Credibility even Bowser has a higher score.
Oh yes I have recently aided the Batman as an Informant but as you can see.
If you’re going to aid the Hero of the story, at least do it with Dignity.
But while I know you love to see yourself as Dreamland’s ultimate Sinner.
I sometimes wonder if Kirby would have you for a Roast Dinner.
I run the Iceberg Nightclub and Casino so I still know a thing or two about Sins.
Besides as the old saying about Casinos go “The House Always Wins”.

King Dedede:
Ah man your raps are so lousy they are practically a mess.
As I liked you better when you were played by the late great Burgess.
You love to think that you’re classy but you’re just a freak show.
Don’t believe me? Just ask Tim Burton and Danny DeVito.
So you still think when it comes to crime you’re a lot more fly?
Heh, big talk coming from someone who got a broken bottle shoved up his eye.
Oh so sorry about reminding you that Mr. Cobblepot.
Is the truth here leaving you rather distraught?
But as a matter of fact I have one more surprise.
I’ve hired some help to aid me here, come on out guys!

(Then the Penguins of Madagascar come out in which Skipper, Kowalski and Private, are now performing a synchronized dance.)

(Penguins of Madasgar)
We’re the Penguins of Madagascar!
We’ll make sure you won’t get very far.
(Private)
Heh heh, when it comes to Batman’s foes your not so scary.
As you try to look so fancy with your little bottle of Sherry.
(Kowalski)
Ah yes while you’ve been relegated to tending your ice themed bars.
We are still some of Dreamwork’s biggest stars.
(Skipper)
Right on boys now let’s show this has-been that we are too much to handle.
Alright Rico now let’s light this candle!

(Then Rico excitedly squawks as he sets off a bunch of fireworks and the Penguins are now dancing to the Chaos they just caused.)

WHO WON?!

WHO’S NEXT?!

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
ERB The Penguin Vs. King Dedede
Alright folks here is my last ERB for 2014 and I thought I kind of end it with a bang here. (I was going to have this done sooner but I have been busy lately).

Anyways this Epic Rap Battle is between The Penguin from Batman versus King Dedede from the Kirby series with a few special guest stars from Dreamworks as well.
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(Contains: sexual themes)
The Breakfast Club Alternate Version

(We are now viewing Shermer High School and we take a look at the empty hallways of the school. We are also seeing things like messed up lockers, trophy cases, the Lunch menu and more.)

Brian (narration): It was Saturday March 24 at Shermer High School in Shermer Illinois. Dear Mr. Vernon, we understand that we all had to sacrifice a Saturday in detention for doing something wrong. Now don’t get me wrong sir we all did something wrong. But you made us all write essays over who do you think we are. But in all honesty sir we all think you’re crazy I mean lets be honest sir would you even care? You seem to always think of us in the simplest terms and easiest definitions such as a brain, an athlete, a basket case, a princess and a criminal. But to be fair at 7 ‘o clock that Saturday morning one way or another we all saw each-other like that. We were brainwashed.

(Meanwhile outside the High School as a few cars were coming in through the driveway. One of the cars that shown up it was a slightly beaten up older car in which a young lady dressed in a dark coat stepped out of the car without saying a word. This young lady by the name of Allison Reynolds had a melancholy expression on her face until she saw a young man with raggy clothes by the name of John Bender walking up to the school and had a small smile on her face. Meanwhile at one of the nearby cars, a rather expensive looking car namely a Mercedes Benz.)

Claire: I can’t believe I am doing this, I mean couldn’t you just bribe someone to get me out of this?

Mr. Standish: Now pumpkin you shouldn’t have skipped classes in order to do some shopping. I mean don’t I give you plenty of time to go shopping after school compared to your mother?

Claire (dryly): Yes I know…
 
Mr. Standish: But don’t worry pumpkin, I will make it up to you later. After all remember dear unlike some people money is no object to me when it comes to you. Besides it’s not that big a deal really all you have to do is just spend the morning at this school and I will pick you up later this afternoon. Okay pumpkin?

Claire: Okay dad…

Mr. Standish: Alright have fun pumpkin, and I will see you later.

(Meanwhile there is a pick up truck nearby with a young man in a varsity jacket and his middle aged father.)

Mr. Clark: Now look son, you were screwing around with the guys. I understand that I mean hey back in my day I did all sorts of screwing around too. You know that and I know that and there is nothing wrong with that right?

Andy: Yeah…

Mr. Clark: Except you got caught sport, you were sloppy son really sloppy.

Andy: Look mom already gave me a lecture about this alright?

Mr. Clark: Don’t you backtalk me son! Do you want to miss your match? Do you want to blow your ride?

Andy: No…

Mr. Clark: I worked hard to make sure you get into the Varsity team so you can get a scholarship so don’t screw it up alright?

Andy: Yes sir

Mr. Clark: Now get out of here.

(Meanwhile there is a somewhat recent looking car in it there is a young man with his mother and little sister.)

Mrs. Johnson: Now Brian is this going to be the first time or last time we do this?

Brian: Last…

Mrs. Johnson: This better be the last time we do this Brian!

Brian’s Little Sister: Yeah!

Brian: You be quiet

Brian’s Little Sister: Why, you’re the one who is in big trouble.

Mrs. Johnson: YOU BOTH BE QUIET!

Brian and his little sister: Yes mother!

Mrs. Johnson: Now Brian you better study while you’re in there to make up for this disappointment.

Brian: But Mom this is detention nobody studies while in detention we basically just do nothing.

(As Brian’s mother is now glaring at him)

Mrs. Johnson: Are you back talking me son?

Brian: No mother

Mrs. Johnson: You better not be back talking me I mean haven’t you disappointed me enough son? It’s bad enough that you got an F but you also end up in detention like all the stupid kids in your school. Brian you are not supposed to be stupid! But lately you seem to be trying really hard to prove me wrong son. You come from a long line of geniuses in your family Brian and you know that right?

Brian: Yes mother

Mrs. Johnson: So get in there and figure out how to get some studying done so you can stop being such an insult to our family’s name, got it?

Brian: Yes mother!

Mrs. Johnson: Good, now get going!

Brian: Yes mother…

(A short while later as they are all now inside in the Detention room in the library as Claire and Andy are sitting next to each other in their desks while Bender is sitting a couple of desks behind Claire. Brian was sitting in the middle desk of the right section while Allison was in the far back desk on the right section. Even though Claire was only there for a few minutes she was already looking rather bored and annoyed. Andy was trying to look alert and vigilant but he was also looking rather bored. Brian was initially looking around the room then was playing with a pen with his mouth. That is until Brian noticed it looked like Bender was glaring at him, then Brian felt a little skittish as he puts the pen down. Then Brian tried to take his jacket off but it was at the same time Bender did in which now Brian feels even more awkward about this. While at first it looked like Bender was glaring at him again then he closed his eyes and had a small chuckle and briefly waved his hand. Now Brian still feels a little uneasy but he does feel a little bit of relief as he has a small awkward smile as he waved back. Bender gave a small playful little smirk to Allison as she did have a nice little smile for a moment until she suddenly had a look of concern on her face as she pointed at Brian. Brian’s eyes have slightly bulged in shock as he notices Andy nearby and is looking rather nervous. Bender looked a little surprised at first until he noticed Andy in front of him in which Bender had a cocky smirk on his face. But then a middle aged man by the name of Richard Vernon who is the principal of the school walks in.)

Principal Dick: Hello students I’d like to congratulate you all by coming here on time.

Claire: Excuse me sir, I know this is suppose to be detention but I think there must be a mistake because I really don’t belong here.

Principal Dick: Alright students it is now 7:06 AM so you all have 8 hours and 54 minutes to think about what you have done and ponder the error of your ways.  

(Then Claire noticed Bender scratching his crotch and is looking like he is enjoying himself and Claire looks rather disgusted.)

Principal Dick: You may not talk, you will not move from these seats… (As Brian was about to move to the next desk as Dick is walking up to Bender) and you will not sleep.

Principal Dick: Alright people, we will try a little something different this time.

(As he starts giving papers to the 5 students)

Principal Dick: You will all write an essay that is no less than a thousand words. On this essay you will write about who you think you are.

Bender: An essay? Really?

Principal Dick: Yes and when I say essay I mean essay as in don’t write a single word a thousand times. Are we clear Mr. Bender?

Bender: Crystal

Principal Dick: Good now perhaps you all will learn a little something about yourselves and you will decide whether if you wish to come back here or not.

Brian: Excuse me sir I have already decided that it would be a no because…

Principal Dick: Sit down Johnson…

Brian: Yes sir

Principal Dick: I would like to remind you all that my office is right across the hall so any monkey-business is ill advised, any questions.

Bender: Yeah, does Barry Mannilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

(Andy did have a brief smirk and small chuckle about that.)

Principal Dick: You will find out the answer to that question, next Saturday at Detention Mr. Bender. You mess with the bull young man you get the horns.

(Then as Dick walks out of the room)

Bender: That man is a Brownie Hound.

(Allison had a small chuckle out of that.)

Brian (thinking): What’s a Brownie Hound?

Claire (under her breath): What the hell is a brownie hound?

Andy (under his breath): It’s probably something dirty so don’t pay any attention to it.

(Then they notice a certain clicking noise that is getting a bit louder and most of the students looked a little bit confused until they noticed Allison biting her nails. Most of the students were staring at her in confusion as Allison briefly noticed them at first but then went back to biting her nails.)

Bender (with a playful smirk on his face): You keep eating that hand and you won’t be hungry for lunch.

(Then Allison smirked right back at him as she looks up and spits that nail piece up in the air then caught it with her mouth when it went back down. Allison had a big smile on her face feeling proud of that achievement as Bender had a small smile on his face as she chomps on that nail while the others look confused or disgusted.)

Bender: I’ve seen you before you know.

Alison: True (as she swallows that nail down)

(Claire was disgusted by this while Andy and Brian looked slightly shocked then all 3 of them try to look away. But after a few moments of silence)

Bender: Heh, I just realized something you know there is a whole bunch of Fridge Logic regarding this set-up. I mean for starters if we are supposed to stay in our seats what if somebody has to take a piss? Ah well if you got to go…

(Then Bender puts his hands under the desk as he seems to be grabbing his crotch.)

Claire: Ew!

Andy: Hey man your not doing that here!

Bender: Shh shh don’t talk it’ll go back in.

Andy: You’re not going to pee in here you sicko.

Bender: Oh come on now Sporto I got my dick out so what am I suppose to do with it? All I can really do with it right here is to either take a piss or jerk off. I mean sure I got a couple of good reasons to do the latter here but still.

(Claire once again looks disgusted and turns her face away while Allison has a small playful smile on her face.)

Andy: You really are a sick freak.

Bender: Relax Sporto your not one of those two reasons I mentioned, trust me.

Andy: Gee thanks anyways my name is not Sporto, its Andy. Are we clear on that?

Bender: Crystal, besides I was just kidding about the whole pissing thing of course.

Andy: Heh, you better be.

(As Bender is scratching his chin with his right middle finger)

Bender: Whatever you say Sporto.

Andy: Oh that’s real funny jackass do you want me to kick your ass?

Bender: Geez we just met and you already want me to bend over? I mean sure you do look awfully sexy when your angry but still.

Andy: I said KICK your ass you moron!

Bender: Oh I know I was just having a little bit of fun with a rhetorical question here.

Claire: Oh just ignore him he is doing this just to get a rise out of you he is totally not worth it.

Bender: Hey there Red, trust me sweets you couldn’t ignore me even if you tried.

(Then Claire and Andy try to ignore him for a few moments until.)

Bender: So… you two, Red and Sporto, you two are practically sitting together so… Are you two all that close? Steady dates? Lovers? So tell me Red have you ridden ol’ Sporto’s Baloney Pony yet?

Claire: What?

Andy: Just ignore him.

Bender: Oh c’mon Sporto, level with me, have you given your little red-headed wife here a hot beef injection?

Claire (red in the face): GO TO HELL!

Andy: ENOUGH!

(Now we see Principal Dick at his office.)

Principal Dick: Shut up out there! *sigh* Spoiled little pricks…

(Meanwhile back inside the Library/Detention Room.)

Bender: Oh my, it appears we have heard the wild cry of the angry Principal. Isn’t that right Allie?

Allison: It sure seems so Bender…

Bender: Indeed every now & then he actually does show signs of paying attention to us believe it or not. Lucky for us I know what to do…

(Then Bender got out of his seat and walked over to the front door.)

Brian: Eh… excuse me Mr. Bender but I don’t think you’re supposed to be doing this.

Bender: Young man, have you finished your homework?

Brian: What?

(Then Bender is loosening the screws on the door making it loose and closing the door.)

Brian: But that’s school property…

Andy: Yeah that’s real mature.

Brian (looking at Allison): Excuse me but what is he doing?

Allison (with a cat-like smile on her face): Being awesome.

Claire (pointing at Bender): Alright you, ya better sit down… (now she is pointing at Allison) And you stop encouraging him.

Andy: Do what the lady says and sit down.

Bender: Yes Mom & Dad but in just a moment… *as he finishes the process and closes the door* Voila! Now we can party, I’ll take some of these for the road… *as he places a couple of the screws in his pockets* There we go oh yes and…

(Then he tosses a couple of them at Allison as she quickly hides them.)

Allison: Thank you.

Bender: You’re welcome, so who wants to take turns in getting the prom queen pregnant huh?

Claire: You’re disgusting.

Brian: Excuse me but I really think we should just sit down and do the essay okay?

Bender: Aww do you always want to be such a good little boy there skipper?

Andy: Why do you got to be such a pain to everybody? I mean there are 4 other people in here and do you think that we like to put up with your antics?

Allison: Go Bender go.

Claire: You shut up.

Andy: Okay three of us but my point still stands here. Anyways just do us all a favor and shut up. Besides I have a meet to go to next Saturday and I am not missing it out on account of a jerk-off like you.

Bender: Ah and wouldn’t that just bite huh? I mean I have nothing but respect for guys who get down on other guys with tights. Oh Sporto since you are such a pretty-boy I’m sure your ass is quite a hot commodity amongst your fellow wrestlers.

Claire: Are you always this obnoxious or is this just a special day for you to be a complete asshole huh?

Bender: Oh trust me sweets every day is “Be a complete asshole day” to me. But come on now Red; think about it to see a pretty boy like him going down on another pretty boy in those form-fitting tights. I mean c’mon Cherry, their lean muscular bodies on each-other, sweating and rubbing against each-other. I’m sure that gets you real hot huh?

Claire (slightly flustered): N… No I don’t! I mean shut up!

Bender: Oh come now Red, you mouth says no no but your cheeks say yes yes. After all there is no shame to admit such a thing after all your not the only lady here who has that fetish am I right? Or am I right?

(Allison smirked at Bender’s comment and nodded her to head to it.)

Claire (flustered): Shut up!

Bender: A wise man once said “Search your feelings you know it to be true”.

Andy: Did you hear the lady faggot? She told you to shut up!
       
Bender: Oh isn’t that adorable? The macho smug jock knows how to say homophobic slurs how utterly unexpected.

Andy: Oh shut up, this coming from the guy who was gay-baiting me just a few moments ago?

Bender: At least I was being a little bit more subtle.

Andy: Oh trust me asshole there is nothing subtle about you. In fact I pretty much have you pegged.

Bender: Oh this ought to be good, please go on.

Andy: Oh trust me I will, I’ve seen your kind before. You have an Anti-Establishment streak a mile wide and you’re probably a textbook wannabe big shot who hates anyone more important than you are.

Claire: Oh I agree in fact you’re probably just some hipster who hates anything popular just to look cool. You try to dump on everyone else to hide that your nothing but an anti-social coward.

Andy: Exactly, guys like him trash talk against anyone who is more respected than him which is probably just about everyone. Guys like you use your “Anti-establishment” beliefs to justify their arrogance. To make a long story short you’re just some sociopath punk who likes to piss people off just for fun to make up for the fact that you will never amount to anything in life.

Bender: Oh isn’t this just rich I’m getting lectured by a snobby rich girl and a douche bag jock on how I am such an unoriginal character. Isn’t that nice? But hey maybe that would change if I got more involved in school. I mean what if I got involved in the Student Council, the Glee Club or maybe I can sign up for the Wrestling team huh?

(Claire and Andy had a good laugh at that.)      

Claire: You? Be a part of any of the clubs here, please!

Bender: Oh really?

Andy: Yeah just about any given club here would throw your sorry punk ass out within the hour let alone day. Face it Bender there is one difference between us here. You see people like the two of us are not normally here in detention, unlike you. In fact this is quite possibly the ONLY place here in school that you belong in namely here at Detention.

Bender: Oh wow… Look Allison apparently we are here just in time for another episode of “Lifestyles of the Rich and Douche-bags”.

Allison: *giggle* Yeah that looks about right.

Bender (in a goofy posh accent): I say Muffy, its such a shame that we must be here with these riff-raffs am I right schnookums?

Bender (in a falsetto posh accent): Oh yes honey-buns after all Detention is only for the little people.

(Allison had a good laugh, while Brian tried to resist the urge to chuckle a bit however Claire and Andy were not amused.)

Andy (dryly): Oh yes that’s really funny…

Bender: Indeed after I certainly gave someone a good laugh, but anyways it’s my little tribute over how you activity people can be complete assholes.

Brian: Well I am in the Physics club…

Claire: Oh shut up and stopping speaking like you know us. I mean it’s like I said earlier you are too much of a coward and you put up this arrogant obnoxious act just to hide that.

Bender: Oh it’s so cute to watch you play psychiatrist.

Allison (imitating Harley Quinn): Ah yeah she looks like she would have a great future in Arkham Asylum isn’t that right Mr. J?

Bender (imitating the Joker): Oh that is so right Harley, it is such a shame we weren’t able to bring our Hyenas they would so liven up this place.

Brian: I’m also in the Math Club and Science Club.

Bender: Excuse me, alright little skipper what are you babbling about?

Brian: Well I am also into certain activities as well as I am in the Science Club, Math Club and Physics Club.

Bender: I see, tell me what do you do in these clubs?

Brian: Well we go over our studies and try to do a lot of research on these subjects in the Science and Physics clubs. In the Math Club we try to do all sorts of complicated Math problems.

Bender: Ah how adorable, sad but adorable in fact its downright sadorable.

Claire: Sadorable?

Bender: Yeah, tell me Sweets do you belong in the Physics club?

Claire: It’s an academic club, it’s not the same thing as the more social clubs that I am involved in.

Bender: Oh so there are clubs you wouldn’t be able to fit in, huh? Imagine that, but hey to little dork boys like him it’s the same thing so why should it be any different to you?

Brian: Well Mr. Bender, this school has all sorts of clubs that you might be able to join in sometime in the future. I mean depending on what you like and what are your skills I’m sure you can find a club that could suit you.

Bender: Why thank you little Bucky, so you definitely seem to be of the Nerd persuasion. So tell me what other clubs are you in? Comic Books? Gaming? Anime/Manga?

Brian: Oh you mean the Entertainment and Hobby clubs? No… I’ve considered the idea before but… you see… my mother doesn’t want me to be in those clubs. My mother has forbidden me to go into any of these clubs so I won’t be looking at any “explicit material”.

Bender: Ah I see your Mom has got you in a real tight leash huh?

Brian: Yeah…

Bender: I see… my sympathies.

(Meanwhile in Principal Dick’s office he was about to enjoy a cup of coffee with his sandwich until some coffee grounds poured out.)

Principal Dick: Damn it!

(Then as Principal Dick walked out of his office and noticed the door to the Library closed.)

Principal Dick: What the hell?

(Meanwhile back inside the Detention room.)

Principal Dick (os): BENDER!

Bender: Ah shit, well the party is over.

(Then Dick opened up the door in an angered huff and stormed his way in.)

Principal Dick: Why is the door closed? In fact why is this door not staying open?

(As Dick is now trying to use open the door and get it to stay open and is failing miserably at first. Then Dick tries to open the door and get it to stay open with a nearby folding chair but it’s not enough to keep the door open.)

Principal Dick: You, Andrew Clark, get up here.

Andy: Yes sir

(As Andy got out of his seat)

Bender: So Andy gets to get up? What's next are the rest of us going to get up? Why it would be anarchy.

(As Dick is starting to grab the Magazine Rack)
 
Principal Dick: You help me put this in front of the door alright?

(And they did put the Magazine rack in the doorway to try to keep the door open, except that now Andy is having trouble trying to get back inside.)

Bender: Yeah that’s real brilliant Dick…

(And both Andy and Principal Dick briefly glared at him.)

Bender: Oh I am sorry I meant Richard, anyways are you sure you want to do this? I mean wouldn’t this be quite the fire hazard? Granted I’m sure you would love to watch me burn to a crisp but you wouldn’t want to endanger the lives of these children, especially at this point in your career.

(Now Principal Dick is now looking rather angry at Andy.)

Principal Dick: What are you doing? I can’t believe your incompetence, now put this back in its proper place! I expected better from a Varsity Letterman.

(As Andy is pushing the Magazine Rack back inside)

Andy (bitterly): Yes sir.

Principal Dick: Alright Bender, what happened to the screws on the door?

Bender: I don’t know what you mean sir.

Principal Dick: You know exactly what I mean Bender! That door didn’t move by itself you know.

Bender: I don’t know sir the world is a pretty screwy place screws fall out all the time. Besides this old place is not exactly well built so who knows maybe the screws really did fall off. After all we were all supposed to be sitting here in our seats right?

Principal Dick: You’re not fooling anyone Bender! Do you think I was born yesterday? It’s obvious that you messed up the door.

Bender: Excuse me sir but contrary to popular opinion I actually have learned some things in school in subjects such as the US Legal System. Namely I remember certain concepts like “Innocent until proven Guilty”, does that ring a bell?

Principal Dick: Don’t give me that, you better start talking before I start cracking skulls!

Bender: Sure you would.

Principal Dick: Oh really well then since you don’t want to talk… *as he points to Allison* You!

Allison: Hmm?

Principal Dick: Perhaps you can help shed a little light here as I know very well that you happen to be Bender’s little accomplice here. Tell me what happened to the door?

Allison: I dunno I was sitting here the whole time.

Principal Dick: Oh really?

Brian: Actually sir she is right she was indeed sitting at her desk chair this whole time.

Andy: Yeah she has been sitting there the whole time.

Principal Dick: You two stay out of this!

Bender: Hey how about we go back to me huh? Since we have such a loving healthy relationship here right?

Principal Dick: Alright then are you going to confess with messing up the door here?

Bender: Oh eat my shorts…

Principal Dick: What did you say?

Bender: Eat. My. Shorts!

Principal Dick: That’s it you just got yourself another detention.

Bender: Oh it’s such a darn shame.

Principal Dick: Another! You want another?

Bender: Oh sure big daddy I’d like some more punishment I mean I have been a bad boy so please hurt me more.

Principal Dick: Well in that case you will be having detention for the next few weeks, how does that sound?

Bender: Oh goody just what I always wanted, but I got to check with my secretary to see if I will be free that next Saturday in my schedule. Well?

Allison: Hmm… Yes I believe you will be free that Saturday a few weeks from now Mr. Bender.

Bender: Thank you kindly Ms. Reynolds.

Allison: You’re welcome Mr. B.

Principal Dick: You want me to drag your little accomplice into this Bender while you have another Detention? Do you?

Bender: Oh please weren’t you planning on doing that from the start?

Principal Dick: Yes well the point still stands that I am practically doing society a favor here as I have you here for the rest of your natural life!

Bender: Oh I’m so crushed.

Principal Dick: And that’s another detention for you.

Bender: Oh go roll me in the clover, over.

Andy: *snicker*

Principal Dick: Excuse me Mr. Clark? But did I just hear you laugh? Do think he is funny? Do you think he is “bitching” or something? Do you three have any idea what happens to people like Bender? Mark my words in 5 years Mr. Bender is going to rot away in prison do you want to end up like him?

(As he is looking at Andy, Claire and Brian)

Principal Dick: Listen to me and listen to me well you three, you three still have a chance to become decent law abiding citizens. While Bender here has basically thrown any chance he has of becoming a decent human being ages ago. It’s bad enough that Ms. Reynolds has decided to follow in his sociopath delinquent ways the last thing I need is for you three to follow suit.

Bender: Oh please.

Principal Dick: Are you through Mr. Bender?

Bender: No

Principal Dick: Then how’s about another detention then?!

Bender: How about we play a little game of Fuck Off, you go first!

Principal Dick: How many detentions have I given you Bender?

Brian: 7, sir.

Principal Dick: What?

Brian: 7, the first one was when Bender made that Barry Manilow joke at your expense. The 2nd one was from when Bender used that old line that he got from the Simpsons and the rest quickly came in from there.

Bender (thinking, smirking): Old line that I got from the Simpsons? Oh you poor naïve little boy.

Principal Dick: Shut up, Pee-Wee.

Brian: Yes sir.

Principal Dick: Anyways like I said before if any of you three have any sense then you will make sure that you don’t end up like this lowly waste of space here! I mean it, if I have to come back in here I am going to start cracking skulls!

(Then as Principal Dick storms out of the room.)

Bender: FUCK YOU!

(Then for a few moments after that little incident there it was silent as Bender was looking away with an upset look on his face while Andy, Claire and Brian were looking at their papers with an uneasy expression on their faces. Allison had a rather concerned look on her face as she was looking at Bender. Then Allison got off her chair and walked over to Bender and then said.)
Allison (singing): Here come old flattop
He come groovin' up slowly
He got joo-joo eyeball
He one holy roller
He got hair down to his knees
Got to be a joker
He just do what he please
(Bender was starting to have a small smile on his face.)
Allison: Shactacacacaca…
Allison: He wear no shoeshine
He got…
Allison & Bender: Toe jam football!
Allison: He got monkey finger
He shoot…
Allison & Bender: Coca Cola!
Allison: He say…
Allison & Bender (While pointing at each-other): I know you, you know me
Bender: One thing I can tell you is
You got to be free
(As Bender and Allison put their arms around each-other)
Allison & Bender: Come together, right now
Over me!
(Brian claps for their performance as Andy and Claire did have a small smile on their faces.)
Bender: Thank you, thank you you’re too kind, we’ll be here all week.
(A short while later in the Detention Room)

Andy (as he is now looking at Claire): So tell me what's your name?

Claire: Claire, Claire Standish.

Andy: Ah that’s a nice name, I’m Andrew Clark I’m a Varsity Letterman for the School’s Wrestling Team.

Claire: Ah yes Andrew Clark, some of my friends have told me about you and I suppose I could understand some of the things they have said about you.

Andy: I see, interesting, ever watched any of the Wrestling matches here at School?

Claire: No I haven’t seen any of them yet I normally don’t think too much about sports. But I suppose that could change…

Andy: Ah I see, say there is a party next weekend with no parents I’m sure I can get you an invitation.

Claire: That’s nice and I am tempted but I’m not sure if I can get a chance to do so.

Andy: Oh really? Let me guess that “no parents” is going to be a deal breaker huh? I mean you don’t have to tell them that little detail you know.

Claire: I know but my parents are recently going into a divorce and they can’t stand each-other. My mother is too busy drinking while my father tries to spoil me but I think he is only doing this to spite my mother. To be honest I don’t think either one of them gives a shit about me.

Andy: I see, so who would you rather live with your mother or your father?

Claire: *sigh* I dunno… maybe my brother, I mean sure we don’t do much nowadays but still. Anyways my parents are being such a hassle to me lately I am not sure if I can be able to get to that party.

Andy: Oh come on Claire don’t you think your being a little too short-sighted?

Claire: What's that suppose to mean?

Andy: Calm down I didn’t mean anything bad about it. All I am saying is that this situation is not as hopeless as you think it is.

Claire: Really? How so?

Andy: Well you just said that your Mom is a drunkard and your dad tries to spoil you to spite your mom huh? Well then if your Mom is such a boozer then wouldn’t she be too drunk to deny you the chance to go to a party? And if your mom does forbid you to go to this party then you can always ask your dad instead. I mean based on what you’ve told me your dad seems to be the kind of guy who wants to be the “cool” parent right?  Well then if your dad likes to spoil you to spite your mom then he could “secretly” allow you to go, wouldn’t that be a great way to spite your mom?

Claire: Wow that’s… actually a really good idea, thank you.

Andy: You’re welcome.

(Then we hear a few pages from a book being torn off.)

Claire (startled): Ah! What the…

(Now Claire and Andy notice Bender is sitting on a rail tearing off pages from a book.)

Claire: What the hell?

Andy: Ah yes that’s real intelligent of you.

Claire: Seriously what are you doing?

(Bender then briefly looked at her shrugged his shoulders and went back to tearing pages off that book. Then Andy had a little smirk on his face.)

Andy: Hey Claire apparently somebody left the TV on and it’s on the Discovery Channel.

Claire: Oh really?

Andy: Yeah apparently they have another one of those documentaries about cavemen and look there is one now.

Claire: *giggle* Oh my, what a nasty looking creature.

Bender: Unga Bunga, and me without spear to hunt down wild douche jock.

Andy: Oh come now Bender ever heard of the old phrase “Turnabout is Fair Play”?

Bender: I see…

Claire: Anyways why are you tearing that book up?

Bender: For the same reason why I do many other things in life, bored. After all… “Molay” really pumps my nads.

Claire: It’s Moliere.

Bender: Moldy air? Why yes this does seem rather moldy.

Claire: I said Moliere you uncultured swine, Jean-Baptiste Poquelin is a famous French playwright from the 1600’s who is known by his stage name Moliere. You shouldn’t be tearing up classic literature like that.

Brian: Oh are you familiar with Moliere’s work as well? I’ve always been fond of his work.

Bender: Tch, whatever…

Andy: Oh don’t bother trying to reason with him Claire I mean look at it him, like he would know anything about being cultured.

Bender: Oh yes Sporto what would a grungy looking guy like me know anything about being more cultured huh?

Andy: Well considering that you don’t even know how to pronounce “Moliere” that seemed to be a rather fair assessment.

Bender: Oh that’s true… Besides I’m more into the likes of Maurice LeBlanc and to a lesser extent Victor Hugo.  Je suis l'homme voleur doux de la France!  (I am the Gentleman Thief of France!)

(Andy, Claire and Brian’s eyes bulged in shock as Allison smiles at the sight of their shocked faces.)  

Bender: So your name is Claire huh?

Claire: Yeah it’s a family name, what about it?

Bender: So your name is Claire as in Éclair? It sounds like a fat girl’s name.

Claire: Well that’s real nice, I’m not fat.

Bender: Obviously, in fact you’re probably a little too thin if you know what I mean.

Claire: What's that suppose to mean you pervert?!

Bender: So defensive, but hey if your going to be so insecure then here is a little bit of advice.  If you are going to try to “fill out” in the future try to do it naturally, because breasts implants never turn out right.

Claire (Slight blush): Screw you; I would never do such a thing.

Bender: Uh-huh, sure you wouldn’t. But hey I understand that you don’t want to try to gain a cup size or two. After all there are those skinny little legs of yours to consider here. Let me guess you want to make sure you don’t have any back problems in the future? I totally understand.

(Claire gives him the finger.)

Bender: Oh my, such hostility here and I was being so civil too. But still it’s so surprising to see such a vulgar hand gesture from such a pristine girl.

Claire: I’m not that pristine.

Bender: I see, Oh you really are quite the peace of work huh? You’re so uptight and defensive. Not too mention insecure, so tell me? Are you a virgin?

Claire: What?

Bender: Oh I know that look, it says “Of course I am a Virgin you sexist prick!” but don’t worry Red, I believe you.

Claire: Oh really?

Bender: Yeah, I doubt you would even let a guy go near you, at least not openly. You are probably trying to be an uptight prude just for the sake of your image. *ahem* (As he is now speaking in an Austrian accent) What we are seeing here is a very repressed young fraulein who has quite the sexual tension issues.

Claire: Sexual tension issues? What the hell are you… *as she is now really disgusted* never mind!

Bender: Ah come on now Claire you should be happy, I mean at least we know it would be a white wedding when you get older right?

(Then Claire gives him the finger twice as Bender has a big smile on his face seeing that.)  

Andy: Leave her alone.

Bender: Hmm?

Andy: Didn’t you hear me ass-wipe? I said leave her alone.

Bender: What? I can’t play psychoanalyst on her? Such a shame since I was only trying to give her some constructive criticism.

Andy: Oh bullshit you were harassing her and you know it. You know if it wasn’t for the fact that we are in school I would so waste you.

Bender: Sure you would, so you want to cordially invite me to an ass-kicking huh? I see, so are you going to bring any of your jock buddies to this ass-kicking? Hmm?

Andy: No just me as I can easily knock your sorry punk ass down.

Bender: Is that so?

Andy: Yeah, with two hits, me hitting you and you hitting the ground got that?

Bender (as he is lightly tapping Andy’s face): Whatever you say Sporto…

(Then Andy grabs Bender’s hand)

Bender: What the…

(Then Bender grabs Bender and forces Bender on the ground pinning him.)

Allison: *gasp* Bender!

Bender (grunting): Don’t worry; I got this, look Sporto I don’t want to get into this with you alright?

(Then as Andy let’s go of him.)

Andy: Why not?

Bender: Because I can easily kill your sorry ass. But while the world can surely go for having one less asshole jock but sadly despite that killing you would case nothing but all sorts of legal trouble on my part. And quite frankly Sporto you’re not worth it.

(As Andy looks away in disgust)

Andy: *tch* Chicken-shit

(Then as Bender pulled his switchblade out, in which Andy, Claire and Brian were somewhat surprised. Then Bender stabbed it on one of the nearby desks.)

Andy: Listen asshole I’m only going to say this once, you don’t touch her, you don’t look at her and you don’t even think about her! Got it?!

(Meanwhile as Andy was shouting at Bender, Allison gleefully grabbed the knife from the table with a smile on her face.)

Bender: Got it, whatever you say Sporto. *sigh* Young people they never seem to take criticism well.

(Then moments later a man with a receding hairline by the name of Carl is now entering the room.)

Carl: Oh hey there Brian didn’t expect to see you here.

Brian: Oh hello there Mr. Reed, yeah it’s kind of a long story…

Allison: Hi Carl

Carl: Hey there Allison, you still like to hang around here huh?

Bender: Morning you almost forty year old virgin.

Carl: Morning you obnoxious degenerate sociopath. Oh Allison I sometimes wonder why is a quirky nice girl like you doing with a shameless sleazy punk like him I’ll never know.

Bender (pretending to hold a phone): Hello police, I see an aging Janitor with a receding hairline making passes at an underage student you might want to come over quick.    

Carl: Oh trust me Bender I’m sure you will rot away in prison long before I do.

Allison: Now girls you’re both pretty.

Bender: Oh yes but I am the prettier one right Allie May?

Claire: Excuse me sir but you know these 3?

Carl: Sort of, I normally see Brian at Study Hall especially when he is working on his Science Projects. *As he is pointing at Bender and Allison* These two on the other hand I see them all the time here at Detention especially this sleaze over here. But don’t worry kids Bender may try to talk tough but trust me he is totally harmless.

Andy: Heh heh oh I can attest to that sir.

Bender (in a nasally sarcastic tone): Oh I can attest to that sir.

Carl: Oh no need to get snippy there Bender I know plenty about you but then again I know plenty about what goes on in this school. I read your notes that you throw away and the stuff you write on the walls, I am the eyes and ears of this school.

Bender: Carl you’re a Janitor not a fucking Ninja alright?

Brian: Actually Mr. Bender, while the Shinobi are actually well known for being seemingly normal household cleaners and workers. I mean sure when we think of Ninja we think of assassins dressed all in black. But in real life Ninja would normally dress like common household workers and get their information while they do their daily chores.  
 
Carl: Thank you Brian.

Brian: You’re welcome Mr. Reed.

*Then as Carl notices Bender sticking his tongue out at him.*

Carl: Oh Bender you always were such a paragon of maturity huh? Alright I’ve had my fun with you munchkins for now so I better get back to work see you all later.

(Then after Carl leaves the room, time seems to be passing fairly slowly as most of the students there seem to be quite bored. Andy is busy playing around with his Varsity Jacket; Clair is busy looking over her colored nails while Brian is hanging his head low trying not to sleep. However Bender is trying to take a peek at Allison as she is making one of her drawings in which this drawing is of a nice little house nearby a bridge in which she even shook some dandruff out of her hair for a “snowy” effect. But as minutes passed and passed all of the students looked increasingly bored out of their minds. But it was close to Noon when Mr. Vernon came in at the Detention room.)

Principal Dick: So… who here needs to go to the lavatory?

(They all raised their hands.)

Principal Dick: Alright you all have about 3 minutes to use the restroom so go.

(Now at the boys room as Bender and Andy are using the Urinals.)

Bender: Hey Sporto I just realized something where’s the little dork?

Brian (os): I’m here in the stall Mr. Bender.

Bender: Then what are you doing in there instead of out here? I’m just curious why you’re the odd man out here.

Brian (os): My mother has told me that public urinals are rather indecent.

Bender: Indecent? Eh don’t worry little buddy, I’m sure that your not Sporto’s type. Well at least I’m pretty sure.

Andy: Oh fuck off…

Bender: No thanks I am not that kind of guy.

Brian (os): Actually it’s because she finds Public Bathrooms to be horribly unsanitary.  

Bender: Well first of all wouldn’t using a urinal be safer? I mean the lever is the only part your skin has to actually touch.

Brian (os): Really? I… I never thought of that…

Bender: You never thought of that? Really kid?

Andy: Oh leave him alone, besides the sanitary condition in Public Restrooms is a perfectly legitimate concern.

Bender: Yeah for Parks, Outhouses and god awful gas stations but in case you two didn’t realize this place is actually normal. If this place was a disgusting health hazard you would know, trust me. Besides the whole point is moot anyway, the Toilet is normally supposedly one of the cleanest things you find in a home anyways.

Andy: Yeah well as much as I enjoy this oh so stimulating conversation lets just finish up and go okay?

Bender: Whatever you say Sporto.

(Meanwhile at the Girls Bathroom Claire was busy washing her hands and checking herself out on the mirror. Claire seemed to be perfectly calm at first until she heard a somewhat loud crunch.)

Claire: The Hell?

(She kept hearing a few more crunches until she noticed that it came from a nearby bathroom stall.)

Claire: Wha… What are you doing?

Allison (os): Having a little snack.

Claire: Having a little snack huh? Let me get this straight, you are eating something while on the toilet.

Allison: Yep, want some?  

Claire (trying to hide her disgust): No… no thank you.

Allison: Okay, your loss…

Claire (under her breath): Oh the sooner I get out of this hellhole the better… *shudder*

(Now a short while later as Mr. Vernon and the Students are now back in the Detention Room.)

Principal Dick: Alright students you will now break for Lunch, any questions?

Brian: Yes sir, are we going to the Cafeteria?

Principal Dick: No you will be staying here.

Claire: But what about drinks? I have a low tolerance for dehydration you know.

Andy: I’ve seen her dehydrate before sir, it’s pretty gross.

Bender: Relax, I’ll get them.

Principal Dick: Uh-uh, grab some wood there Bud.

Bender: Why Dick I didn’t know you cared.

Principal Dick: Shut it, anyways…

*As he is now pointing at Andrew Clark*

Principal Dick: You, Andrew Clark, get up you will be going to the nearby Vending Machines to get some Sodas. But I will be sending you with someone… Hmm…

*Andy is trying to point at Claire until…*

Principal Dick (pointing at Allison): You!

Allison (as she ducks her head down): Eep!

Bender: She is not exactly talkative sir.

Principal Dick: Liar, I know very well that your accomplice here can be very talkative when she wants to be.

Bender: Well in that case wouldn’t it be a better idea that I come with her then? What with her being my “accomplice” and all?

Principal Dick: And let you roam around these halls? Not a chance! I remember the last time I’ve let you two roam the halls before. Besides it might do Allison here some good to actually spend some time away from you even if it’s only a short while so get going you two.

Andy: Yes sir

(Now Allison and Andy are alone walking in the halls to the vending machine, Andy has a slightly awkward look on his face while Allison has a more melancholic expression on her face.)

Andy: So… nice day huh? So your name is Allison right? That’s a nice name…

*Awkward Silence*

Andy: I see… So… What's your Poison? *Awkward Silence* You probably already know that I am from the Varsity Wrestling Team, so ever watched any of the Wrestling Matches? *More Silence* Ever… watched any of the sports games here at School?

(Allison took a brief look at Andy then looked away.)

Andy: Why are you ignoring me? I mean I’m trying to have a conversation with you. Okay apparently you’re not a sports fan, I suppose it’s rather obvious but couldn’t you at least give me a response? Hmm?

Allison: I have nothing to say Sporto it’s as simple as that.

Andy: Oh you want to be like that then huh? Fine, be like that then!

Allison: Hmph!

(Andy was initially annoyed by Allison’s cold attitude towards him until he noticed Allison’s rather sad melancholic expression on her face as she sulks in the corner. And now Andy slightly feels guilty about this as he is now approaching her.)

Andy: Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot here. I’m sorry I got annoyed like that, I understand that you are apparently a little shy with people you don’t know and I understand that.

(Now Andy is putting his hand on Allison’s shoulder in which Allison’s eyes start to bulge in shock.)

Andy: Listen, I’m not such a bad guy once you get to know me. So why not calm down so we can take things nice and slow.

Allison: AH!

(Allison panicked and got herself free from Andy’s grasp then she backed away from him with a terrified look on her face.)

Andy: What? What's wrong? I…

Carl (os): What's going on out there?

Allison: Carl?

(Then Carl walks in the scene in which Allison immediately heads over to Carl holding on to him.)

Carl: Allison, are you okay?

Allison: Uh-huh…

Andy: Look sir, I’ve barely touched her. You have got to believe me!

Carl: Alright you what’s going on here? I want some answers now.

Andy: Look. Principal Vernon sent us to go to the nearby vending machine to get some sodas. I tried to make some small talk but she kept ignoring me and I got annoyed. But when I tried to apologize she freaked out for some reason. Now mind telling me what's going on here?

(Carl had a rather uneasy look at his face as he noticed how scared Allison is.)

Carl: Allison, why don’t you go on up ahead and we will meet you at the Vending Machine and I will make sure you have enough change for the Sodas. Okay?

Allison: Okay…

(As she leaves the scene)

Andy: Listen sir, I’m telling you the truth I barely touched her at all.

Carl: Listen kid I’m not saying that you’re a liar but all I am saying is that please don’t mind her. She has some certain… issues alright?

Andy: Okay…

Carl: Good now lets meet up with her.

(Meanwhile back inside the Detention Room, Bender was feeling somewhat anxious looking at the door. But then he noticed on how Brian and Claire are nearby looking rather bored in which Bender had a devious smile on his face as he has an idea on how to get his mind off his slight anxiety here.)

Bender: Hey Dork…

Brian: Yeah?

Bender: Tell me, ever had any lady friends in your life there buddy boy?

Brian: Well uh… uh… I… I know of this girl when I was at the Niagara Falls last summer, if I remember correctly she is from Canada.

Bender: Ah the old “Girlfriend in Canada” story huh? You do realize that nowadays only gay guys who are really in the closet would use that excuse right? But I suppose it’s nice to see that the old “claim my imaginary girlfriend is from Canada” excuse is still alive and well.

Brian: Imaginary? No… no of course not! I got laid plenty of times before and with other girls too.

Bender: Really? So tell me do you have any lady friends in mind here at this school?

Brian: Well… *as he shifts his eyes toward Claire*

Bender: I see… Hey Red I didn’t know that you and dorkburger have done it before.

Claire: What?

Brian: What?!

Bender: Oh yeah I was just talking with this ladies man about how he has been screwing plenty of Canadian chicks. But apparently according to Brian here you have dropped your panties for him in the past as well.

Claire: That is so not true! I can’t believe you would say such a thing Brian, I thought you were better than that.

Brian: I didn’t say that! I never actually said anything like that! You got to believe me.

Bender: Oh I don’t know, you told me about how you have got laid several times with some Canadian ladies. And hey I am well aware that there are plenty of hotties in Canada I won’t deny that. However Brian when I asked whether if you have any lady friends here in the states you was shifting your eyes towards her. So what can I say dorky I know how to put 2 and 2 together.

Claire: Oh really?

Brian: I… I didn’t mean it like that! Honest!

Bender: You know the more I am having this conversation the more I am starting to recognize you dork. Say Brian aren’t you the guy who once shown a bunch of guys a pair of panties you somehow managed to snatch a while back? I bet those panties were hers right?

Claire: You stole a pair of my panties?!

Brian: WHAT?! NO! No of course not! I never grabbed a girl’s panties before in my life!

Bender (as he is pointing his finger in the air): Objection! *ahem* So you’ve got laid several times and yet you’ve never touched a girl’s panties before? My what a curious little conundrum this is huh?

(Then Claire looked at Brian who was incredibly nervous while he she notices Bender having a smug smile on his face.)

Claire: You know what Brian I do believe you.

Brian: You do?

Bender: Wait… You do?

Claire: Yeah Brian here seems to be nice boy who doesn’t get his kicks by riling people up, unlike you. I should’ve figured that it was obvious that you would make a bunch of shit up just to make us upset.

Bender: Now, now I may have added in my own interpretations over certain things but he did claim that he has a girlfriend in Canada and that he got laid several times. Despite the fact that just now he claims that he has never got his hands on any panties before.

Claire: Is that true?

Brian: *sigh* Yeah… well I… I didn’t want you all to think that I am a virgin.

Bender: You’re a virgin? No, I never would’ve guessed.

Claire: Yeah well I for one think that there is no shame in being a virgin. Contrary to what some people may think most High School students are Virgins and stay that way until they become adults.

Brian: Really?

Claire: Of course after all Brian you seem to be a nice boy. And I know for a fact that not all men are obnoxious sleazy perverts like you Bender.

Bender: Perhaps, but you know Brian if you were a bit more honest right from the start then perhaps we wouldn’t be having this little conversation here huh? But don’t worry little buddy I’m sure you’ll get into a girl’s panties like a big boy in no time.

Claire: Oh will you shut up? You would’ve harassed him anyways even if he did tell you that he is a Virgin right from the start. *as she is now holding him* Oh yeah and another thing stop treating him like a little kid, he is just as much of a young adult as you are.

Brian (thinking): Oh wow… she’s defending me… and… *gulp* touching me…

(As Bender is looking away with a small proud smile on his face)

Bender: Whatever you say Red…

(A short while later, Andy and Allison are back with the drinks namely on how they will all got a can of coke each. Andy placed the cans down in a nearby desk as Bender, Brian and Claire got theirs while Bender tosses a can over at Allison in which she catches it. But then Claire pulls something out of her lunch bag namely a small container containing Sushi and Soy Sauce and is setting it up. However she notices how Bender was giving her an odd look.)

Claire: What? You never seen a Sushi plate before?

(But then Claire noticed on how Allison was standing in front of her with a strange smile on her face.)

Allison: Kon'nichiwa Kurea-chan, kyō wa migi bendā-kun son'na sutekina hidesu! (Good afternoon Claire chan, today is such a nice day right Bender kun?

Bender: Ā hai arison-chan, kyō wa tashika ni kono yōna yoi tsuitachidearu. Sono Kurea-chan ga tekisetsuna shokuji o shite inai koto wa zan'nen. (Oh yes Allison chan, today is such a nice day indeed. It’s too bad that Claire chan is not having a proper meal.)

Allison:  Watashi ga imi suru koto de gōi doko takou~inī wa nanidesu ka? Teriyakichikin? Rāmen? Ikutsu ka no udon? Aruiwa ikutsu ka no okonomiyaki? (Agreed I mean where are the Octopus weenies? Teriyaki Chicken? Ramen? Some Udon? Or even some Okonomiyaki?)

Claire: Andy what the hell is going on here?

Andy: Okay you two we get it, apparently you two somehow know how to speak Japanese.

Bender: Mazushī damu gaijin wa, karera wa watashitachi o rikai suru koto wa dekimasenshi, karera wa wareware ga orokada to omou? Sono omoshiroi monode wa arimasen ka? (Poor dumb Gaijin, they can't understand us and they think we're stupid? Isn't that funny or what?)

Allison: Watashi wa sore wa karera ga watashitachi o sukidenai yō zan'nenda, bendā-kun o shitte iru. (I know Bender kun, it's such a shame they are not like us.)

(And they both have a good laugh)

Brian: Jissai ni... Watashi mo nihongo o hanasu hōhō o shitte iru. (Actually... I know how to speak Japanese too.)

(And they all look at him slightly surprised.)

Brian: Ē to... * Ehen* ... Watashi wa Buraian• Jonsondesu. Watashi wa nihongo o hanasu koto ga dekimasushi, watashi mo hoka no samazamana gengo o hanasu koto ga dekimasu. (Uh... *ahem*... I am Brian Johnson. I can speak Japanese and I can speak various other languages too.)

Bender: Impressive, most impressive.

Allison: Indeed

Claire: Okay what the hell is this about? I mean okay I can see Brian here being able to speak Japanese. I mean he is really smart but you two? How in the world do you two know how to speak Japanese?

Allison: Rosetta Stone.

Bender: That and we know of a really good Japanese restaurant nearby.

Claire: Okay but still you two do know that you’re not Japanese right?

Allison: And yet you’re the one who brought in some Sushi right?

Claire: Hey I know I’m not Japanese okay? Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind this stuff but my parents are on this health food kick. I mean yes I am thin but my parents are trying to make sure I stay that way. Okay?

(Then Andy pulls out the food in his bag, namely a bag of Chocolate Chip cookies, a loaf of bread, a jar of Peanut Butter, a big bag of chips, and a package of donuts and more.)

Allison: Whoa…

Bender: Yeah… Let me guess Sporto did you rob a convenience store on the way over here?

Andy: No I did not this happens to be a part of my diet okay?

Bender: Diet? Eh hah hah ha… Look Sporto don’t get me wrong I always believed that the old Atkins plan was complete bullshit and all that but how is all of this a diet?    

Allison: Yeah I don’t see any pot within this pile of food here.

Bender: Ah yeah Allie May we know plenty of pot heads who would love to get their hands on this nice stash of munchies here huh?

Andy: Well I don’t have any pot on me okay? I often consume a lot of carbs everyday and besides I didn’t have all that much time to have breakfast this morning. All I had this morning was to get a little juice in my system before I left to go here.

Allison: Juiced? Does that mean he has a small package?

Bender: Oh I don’t doubt that, I don’t doubt that at all.

Allison: Oh you must be so disappointed Claire.

Bender: Ah yeah I hope you like the taste of raisins and a Tootsie Roll there Red.

Claire (with a slight blush): Shu…shut up!

Andy: That’s enough! First of all I said “juice” not “juiced” as in Fruit Juice. But I am going to be the bigger man and have my lunch here Bender. Besides I have no intention on getting into a dick measuring contest with you.

Bender: Why? Because you’re afraid you will lose?

Andy: Can’t I eat in peace?

Bender: Hey if you can eat all of that, sure. Oh where is Adam Richman where you need him?

Claire: Yeah that is an awful lot of food.

(Andy was getting slightly annoyed by this at first until he had a small smile on his face as he reached into his bag to grab a package for Claire.)

Andy: Croissants, for Milady?

Claire (in an excited, higher pitched voice): Oh Yummy! Gimme gimme! I love croissants! Oh thank you, thank you!

Andy: You’re quite welcome milady.

(As Claire gleefully devours the croissants until she notices Bender and Allison smirking at her.)

Claire (slightly embarrassed and blushing): What? So… so I have a little thing for French Cuisine okay? Besides don’t you two have a lunch to eat?

Bender: Nope, but if you like you can be a part of my lunch.

Claire (really disgusted): No… I’d rather not.

Allison: Eh you don’t need to bother with her Bender; I mean she barely has any meat on her bones so I doubt she would taste any good.

Bender: True…

Allison: Besides I got my lunch right here.

Bender: Score lets see what you got.

(Then those two head over to Allison’s desk as she gets a sandwich out of her bag. Allison has a rather disappointed look on her face.)

Allison: Boring

Bender: I know; why your parents still get that shitty deli meat I’ll never know.

(Then Allison picks out the cold cuts out of her sandwich bread and throws them away in which one of the slices of meat hits the statue in the library/detention room in the face.)

Bender: Nice shot slugger.

(Then Allison gives a gleeful little smile with one of her thumbs up. After that Allison grabs a bag of Captain Crunch cereal pieces as she places them on the slices of bread and pours some sugar on them then has a nice big bite of her new sandwich.)

Bender: Interesting, say Allie May mind if I have a small smackerel?

(And she did let Bender have a bite and he appeared to be rather satisfied with the sandwich.)

Bender: Hmm… this is good, shame we don’t have any Peanut Butter and Chocolate or at least Peanut Butter that would make this even better.

Allison: That does sound nice but as much as I like Peanut Butter and Chocolate wouldn’t those flavors overpower the sugar a bit?

Bender: Good point, though say Allie May speaking of Sugar I noticed that you brought plenty of it. However you don’t seem to have the proper utensils for it.

Allison: Oh…

(As Allison puts her left hand up to her mouth as she is looking at Bender.)

Allison (in a really cutesy tone): I’m sorry… nyoro-n.

Bender (as he pats her on the head): That’s okay little lady it turns out that I have the proper utensils with me.

(Bender whips out a couple of Pixie Sticks Straws.)

Allison: Yipee Skipee!

(Then Bender and Allison grabbed their straws and began snorting the sugar like it was cocaine. Needless to say Andy, Brian and Claire had rather surprised looks on their faces for this then as they were done snorting that sugar.)

Bender: Ah this be some quality Pixie Stix, Pure Columbian.

Allison: Ah yeah this be some good sheet man.

Bender (as he grabs his Coke can): Ah yes here is to our Coke, cheers!

Allison (as she slightly tips his can with hers): Kampai!

(As they both had a swig of Coke then Allison accidentally spilled a little bit of Soda on her desk.)

Allison: Uh oh…

(Then she slouches down and sips on the soda on the desk with her tongue like a kitty.)

Bender: Good kitty

Allison: Meow, mew *purr*
The Breakfast Club Alternate Version Preview
This is one of those things I have been meaning to do for a while but never got around to actually doing until now as this is a large script I have been working off-and-on over the course of this year. Anyways this is my attempt at a somewhat modernized alternate take on the 1985 classic movie "The Breakfast Club". While the beginning portions of the script seem pretty much the same as the original at first but the differences between my version and the original do seem a bit more apparent over the course of the story.

One key difference is that while in the original story all 5 of the students have met each-other for the 1st time on that day while in this version Bender and Allison are already familiar with each-other and are friends before that Saturday Detention. (Though I will of course go over that a bit more later on in the story.) Anyways this covers a pretty good portion of what I have done so far and if you guys like I can post a bit more as well.
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(Contains: sexual themes and violence/gore)
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

DOCTOR DOOM!

VS.

GENERAL ZOD!

Doctor Doom:
Arise for you are in the presence of Doctor Doom!
My powers and prowess shall send you all to your tomb!
I have magical powers and technology that are second to none!
As of course my Comic Book Legacy can never be outdone!
So you truly do have the same powers as Superman?
Then why are you constantly bested by him and his Super Clan?
I am the undisputed ruler of Latveria as I sit upon my throne.
While you are too busy being trapped in the Phantom Zone.
You call yourself a General yet you’re not fit to clean my cloak.
As ever since the 80s you’re nothing but a bombastic S&M Joke.

General Zod:
Ah yes Doctor Doom, a classic example of Delusions of Grandeur.
Looks like it time that I put this arrogant fool out to pasture.
You accuse Terence Stamp of being too hammy? Oh, like you are one to talk.
As for me, I am General Zod and I am Krpyton’s Greatest War Hawk!
You rule your land with some powerful armor that much is true.
And yet that was never truly good enough for you.
Oh I know the real reason why you act so bombastic.
It’s because you know you were never as smart as Mr. Fantastic.
Now accept your defeat you delusional sod!
AND KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

Doctor Doom:
Fool! No one demands Doctor Doom to kneel!
All those who do will be crushed by Doom’s Vibranium Heel!
You accuse Doctor Doom of arrogance as if you are one to boast.
As for Superman’s adversaries you’re a C-Lister at most.
You have only had a few followers so we are far from equal.
While Doom has led the likes of the Syndicate and the Masters of Evil!
In fact Doom has appeared in more shows & games than the Fantastic Four.
You have appeared only a few times within Superman’s Lore.
Perhaps you shall keep some of your issues about your ego in check.
So please tell us all, Dear General, how’s your neck?

General Zod:
You accuse me of being too arrogant? Are you sure you have a case?
Then tell me, do you still blame Reed Richards about your face?
As some younger viewers would say you are so full of salt.
For your biggest flaw is that you’ll never think that it’s your fault.
We both know you have that problem that much is true.
It’s probably because you’ll never get to bed Reed’s beloved wife Sue.
You love to bring up my time in the Phantom Zone to give me chagrin.
Oh you don’t know what its like? I’ll be sure to tell that to Odin.
For I know a certain fact that will certainly make your eyes twitch.
That you’re the first villain to ever become Squirrel Girl’s Bit…

(Then suddenly both Doctor Doom and General Zod heard a loud rumble.)

General Zod: What in the…

Doctor Doom: Oh no…

(Then Doctor Doom immediately flew away from the scene while General Zod was getting trampled by a large army of Squirrels.)

General Zod: AAAAAAAAAAHH!

WHO WON?!

WHO’S NEXT?!

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
ERB Doctor Doom Vs. General Zod
Alright folks its time for another Marvel Vs. DC battle and this one is for the battle of Megalomaniacs namely Dr. Doom from the Fantastic Four versus General Zod from Superman. Oh yes I will also admit that this is the 1st ERB that I have done that is actually made from a request namely from Firelord55555 namely as thanks for that vid of one of my earlier ERBs he did recently at...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8WVSg…
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Hey folks, one of my previous ERBs was actually made into a Youtube vid recently. DeathKillers55 made a vid based off of my Sub Zero Vs. Mr. Freeze vid here at...

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8WVSg…

Its an interesting little production and I do appreciate the fact that he is the first guy to actually make a vid out of one of my ERB battles. Oh yes and I am playing the role of the Announcer in that vid as well.

Mature Content Filter is On
(Contains: sexual themes)
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

B. JENET!

VS.

NAMI & NICO ROBIN!

BEGIN!

B. Jenet:
I am B. Jenet the leader of the Lillien Knights!
My pirates are so famous our logo is up in lights!
With my wind attacks I can blow you both away with one Wind Gust!
As I have a more beautiful body such as my face, legs and of course enormous bust.
So bring it on then you noodle-armed tarts!
As I will defeat you both with my LK Arts!
But I am not such a bad girl I can be civil to you both as it would be a pleasure.
That is, before I relieve you all of your treasure.
After all getting rich stealing from criminals can be such a Joy.
As I am the Captain of my crew while you two follow a cute little rubbery boy.

(Nami)
Oh goody, well Robin it looks like we get to babysit this rich brat.
That is before our rhymes knock her down flat.
(Robin)
Oh come now Ms. Navigator we don’t need to be too aggressive.
After all I don’t know why she considers her wind powers to be all that impressive.
(Nami)
Ah yeah, after all I have my trusty Clima-Tact.
With it I have way more elemental powers than you and that is a fact!
(Robin)
Ah yes and of course there is the matter of my Devil Fruit.
And the powers I gained from it would make this discussion rather moot.
(Nami)
Oh yeah we easily have way more powerful and better attacks.
As we also have the sexier bodies and bigger racks.
(Robin)
Indeed, when it comes to piracy you think you’re a crown jeweled pearl.
But in reality you’re just a bored little Rich Girl.

B. Jenet:
Okay so I am in a really wealthy family so what that it’s true.
That doesn’t make me less of a pirate than either one of you.
Oh and Nami don’t bother trying to hype yourself up as some powerful chick.
Because all I have to do is break that gaudy looking stick.
And Robin before you can use your special limbs to knock me away.
I can use my wind to blow you into the sea, Miss All-Sunday.
As I have noticed how you close you two can be in your little Straw-Hat commune.
It is almost feels like I am up against Sailor Uranus and Neptune.
Oh I know you both had sad lives so filled with strife.
Gee Robin how about you go back to bed with your red-headed wife?

(Nami)
Hey! First of all my fair color is Orange you dumb Blond!
Besides you’ll never understand how Robin and I have a special bond.
(Robin)
Oh yes and I shall give you a little hint, Miss Young Lady with no Bra.
If you wish to arouse Nami you should wear glasses like Miss Kalifa.
(Nami)
Gee Robin what's the matter, jealous?
Uh but don’t get the wrong idea there fellas!
(Robin)
Oh calm down Nami I was having some fun and figuring out Miss Jenet isn’t too hard.
Sadly she seems so frustrated that she could never bed a certain Terry Bogard.
(Nami)
Ah yeah I guess that shouldn’t come as a big shock.
Why she does kind of remind me of a certain Ms. Hancock.
(Robin)
Indeed, but so sorry Miss Jenet I would so hate to see you crying.
You call Terry Bogard your first love? I’ll be sure to tell that to Miss Mary Ryan.

[Then suddenly a big pirate ship comes in as Ruby Heart from Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 comes out.]

Ruby Heart:
Alright its time that I put these sticks with Watermelons into some musical traction!
As its time for some Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 Action!
I once led the way into a New Age of Heroes!
Alas I am now stuck here with these Pilge-Rat Hoes.
Alright, I’m also a shapely beauty that much is true.
But I am still a far more Professional Pirate than any one of you.
Anyways do any of you still believe your any match for me, Ruby Heart?
Just as I figured none of you Sea Wenches were all that smart.
But I have one more question before I return to my ship.
Which one of you wenches want to be the first to taste my whip?

WHO WON?!

WHO’S NEXT?!

YOU DECIDE!

EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
ERB B Jenet Vs. Nami and Nico Robin
Here is my latest ERB and it shall be the battle of the lady Pirates! As this match up stars B. Jenet from the renowned Neo Geo game Fatal Fury/Garou Mark of the Wolves versus Nami and Nico Robin from the highly popular Shounen Anime One Piece. Oh yes and this ERB also features a special appearance from a certain lady pirate from Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 namely Ruby Heart.
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For those who have been enjoying my installments of my Neo Geo Saga stories I thought I work on a list in which these will be the special opponents with pre/post-battle banter for each of the future episodes. For those who don't already know Neo Geo Saga is basically my attempt at a new KOF story with a bunch of characters in which I have placed in 4 sections namely Fatal Fury, Art of Fighting, King of Fighters and Other SNK games. During these Arcade Modes there will be 12 battles in total in which every 3rd match will have special Pre (and if you win) Post Battle Dialogue between the character your playing as and a certain opponent except for the 12th and final battle which you get Pre-Battle banter and then your character's Arcade Mode ending. (Though those who are familiar with fighting games such as the Blazblue series will probably know what I am talking about.) In which each of these opponents will be one character from each of the 4 sections. (Oh yes and of course each of these installments have plenty of win-quotes in which like games such as Street Fighter 4 and BlazBlue all the characters have particular win quotes against all the opponents they face.) Anyways this list will cover will give you all an idea how the future Neo Geo Saga Arcade Mode stories are going to go. But first do take a look at any previous episodes of this series especially if you have missed any of them...

pokejedservo.deviantart.com/ga…

And now without further or adieu here is the list...

King- Jacques Ducalis, Hwa Jai, Angel (KOF), G Mantle
Lee Pai Long- Hanzo Hattori (WH), Choi Bounge, John Crawley, Tung Fu Rue
John Crawley- Jin Fu Ha, Lao, Clark Still, Marco Rossi
Mickey Rogers- Bobby Nelson, Heavy D!, Michael Max, John Crawley
Mr. Big- Fuuma Kotaro, Ramon, Fiolina Germi, Lao
Mr. Karate- Hwa Jai, John Crawley, Marco Rossi, Heidern
Yuri Sakazaki- Moe Habana, Cyber Woo, Mai Shiranui, Ryo Sakazaki
Temjin- Jack Turner, Sheen Genus, Goro Daimon, Cheng Sinzan
Eiji Kisaragi- Jin Fu Ha, Ramon, Joe Higashi, G Mantle
Jin Fu Ha- Sheen Genus, Duck King, Jhun Hoon, Iroha
Karman Cole- Rocky, Brocken, Robert Garcia, Cheng Sinzan
Gai Tendo- Sheen Genus, Goro Daimon, Rob Python, Duck King
Seo Yong Song- Kang Bae Dal, Gai Tendo, Brocken, Tung Fu Rue
Payak Sitipak- Shura, Heavy D!, Jack Turner, Joe Higashi
Rob Python- Fuuma Kotaro, Joe Higashi, Heavy D!, Mickey Rogers
Jacques Ducalis- Robert Garcia, Kim Kap Hwan, Goro Daimon, Ryoko Izumo
Goro Daimon- Ryoko Izumo, Moe Habana, Ryuhaku Todoh, Cheng Sinzan
Ralf Jones- Toy, Gai Tendo, Hwa Jai, Clark Still
Clark Still- Sheen Genus, Lao, Jack Turner, Heidern
Heidern- Leona, Mickey Rogers, G Mantle, Cheng Sinzan
Leona Heidern- Angel (ST), Blue Mary, Angel (KOF), Mr. Big
Whip- Cyber Woo, Jack Turner, Kim Kap Hwan, Leona
Chang Koehan- Brian Battler, Jubei Yamada, Jack Turner, Kim Kap Hwan
Choi Bounge- Brocken, Chang Koehan, Lee Pai Long, Tung Fu Rue
Heavy D!- Bobby Nelson, Michael Max, Lucky Glauber, Mickey Rogers
Lucky Glauber- Gai Tendo, Heavy D!, Bobby Nelson, Cheng Sinzan
Brian Battler- Richard Meyer, Rob Python, Heavy D!, G Mantle
Ramon- Angel (ST), Jubei Yamada, Rob Python, Angel (KOF)
Angel (KOF)- John Crawley, Mai Shiranui, Janne D'Arc, Fiolina Germi
Jhun Hoon- Jack Turner, Goro Daimon, Cheng Sinzan, G Mantle
Kang Bae Dal- Brocken, Temjin, Hokutomaru, Maki Kagura
Chae Lim- Seo Yong Song, Cyber Woo, Maki Kagura, Kim Kap Hwan
Moe Habana- Hokutomaru, Kisarah Westfield, Temjin, Goro Daimon
Rocky- John Crawley, Cheng Sinzan, Brocken, Ramon
Maki Kagura- G Mantle, King, Kim Kap Hwan, Heidern
Hyena- Duck King, Jacques Ducalis, Rocky, Mars People
Iroha- John Crawley, Angel (KOF), G Mantle, Mai Shiranui
Goddess Athena- Terry Bogard, King, Jhun Hoon, Iroha
Marco Rossi- Mickey Rogers, Cheng Sinzan, Toy, Ralf Jones
Fiolina Germi- Marco Rossi, John Crawley, Blue Mary, Angel (KOF)
Mars People- Whip, John Crawley, Cheng Sinzan, G Mantle
Janne D'Arc- Fuuma Kotaro, King, Ramon, Lao
Brocken- Hwa Jai, Temjin, Angel (ST), Rocky
Hanzo Hattori (WH)- Choi Bounge, Hokutomaru, Eiji Kisaragi, Fuuma Kotaro
Fuuma Kotaro- Fiolina Germi, Angel (KOF), Mai Shiranui, Eiji Kisaragi
Johnny Maximum- Sheen Genus, Jack Turner, Brian Battler, Raiden
Ryoko Izumo- Kisarah Westfield, Chae Lim, Jacques Ducalis, Mai Shiranui
Shura- Fuuma Kotaro, Seo Yong Song, Hwa Jai, Payak Sitipitak
Kisarah Westfield- Jack Turner, Ramon, Seo Yong Song, Kim Dong Hwan
Leonhalt Domador- Johnny Maximum, Clark Still, Karman Cole, Brocken
Sheen Genus- Hokutomaru, Jacques Ducalis, Toy, Angel (KOF)
Bobby Nelson- Johnny Maximum, Duck King, Rob Python, Heavy D!
Cyber Woo- Temjin, Moe Habana, Jubei Yamada, Iroha
Angel (ST)- Joe Higashi, John Crawley, Fiolina Germi, Angel (KOF)
Toy- Jack Turner, Kim Kap Hwan, Ralf Jones, Marco Rossi
G Mantle- Rocky, Mr. Karate, Geese Howard, Goddess Athena

I admit some of these opponent choices might change in the future but still this will give you a good idea of what I am planning for this series. Oh yes and for those who are familiar with SNK's handiwork and are a little surprised I didn't use certain opponents for certain characters keep in mind I am still hoping I can do regular Story Modes for this series and I will most likely use them then (more on that later). But still these will be the future special opponents for the rest of the Neo Geo Saga Arcade Mode stories.
  • Listening to: Various
  • Watching: Various
  • Playing: Various
  • Drinking: Ginger Ale, Chocolate Milk, Water

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Pokejedservo
Jonathan Edward Dolnier
Artist | Hobbyist | Literature
United States
Current Residence: Rochester, NH
Favorite cartoon character: Just too many to count
Interests

Which series of mine should get a new installment first? 

40%
2 deviants said I should consider trying to do a new series
20%
1 deviant said Neo Geo Saga
20%
1 deviant said New Pokemon Puzzle League
20%
1 deviant said Focus more on smaller standalone stories instead of a series
0%
No deviants said Takahashi Trifecta
0%
No deviants said Crazy Plot Twist Theater
0%
No deviants said Marvel Vs. Capcom 2 Team Endings
0%
No deviants said One of my older fic series' (thats not on this site yet)

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broad86new Featured By Owner 6 hours ago  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Thanks pal for the fav!!!:D Glad you liked it.
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Thank you for the favourite!
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Thanks for the fave! You could watch me if you like my art?
Anyway, thanks a lot! Have a llama badge and have a nice day :D
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Thanks for the :+fav: :)
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thanks for the fav

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thank you for the fave :)
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Thanks for the fave of my colored Betty and Veronica pic.
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Den28 Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Thank you again for 2 more faves:Kanu Unchou 2 and Kanu Unchou 03 coloured WIP (There's also the final version Kanu Unchou 03 coloured) :D
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hey! thank you so much for the fav!!! :iconihappyloveitplz:
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Thank you very much for faving my work. :)

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Thanks for faving my KanU Unchou :-)
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Thanks for the :+fav: !! >w< !!
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thnx for fav
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Thanks for the fave.
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If you are interested in seeing more of my works please follow me in Tumblr, Instagram, and Flickr (links are in the sig).

Thanks.
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Thanks for the fave =)
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Thanks for the Fav!
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Thank you for the favorite!
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Thanks for the :+fav:!!  ^.^
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Thanks for the fav :)!!! :heart:
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Thanks for faving again :)
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thank you for the fave ^_^
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THANKS JONATHAN.
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